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social anxiety

A recognized mental disorder which can be defined as an extreme discomfort when interacting with other people.

Healthy people can feel a little nervous or sometimes pesimistic. Sometimes they feel unworthy, discouraged or like being judged. Sometimes they feel like if they speak they embarras themselves. Sometimes a little lonely or singled out. And I'm feeling all at once.

Oh boy. I was there. I can describe it perfectly.

There were never a day I didn't feel awkward when talking to people. Every conversation I have would either include or end with an awkward ending or an awkward silence.

Even normal people began to act awkward when they talked to me. I was that awkward.

I was always self critical. I knew for a fact that the second I start to speak things would get weird. Thousands of times I hoped someone to interrupt me and make me shut up. The more I speak the more I embarras myself. The more I embarras myself the more I speak in order to cover things I previously said

Everyone looks at me and says "what the fuck is he talking about". I beg to god "please somebody stop me, god, make me shut up".

I was intentionally avoiding eye contact with people at work because I didn't know how to act.

For years, I never felt accepted in a social group. I alwaya felt different because I was always self-aware and self-critical. When people were talking and enjoying the moment I was thinking about how I look, what they think about me, what I can say to make them like me and so on.

It was like hell. For years upon years I lived in hell.

Social anxiety is like a chain reaction. The more you feel uncomfortable the more you act awkward and vice versa.

An important aspect when treating this condition is to avoid people who easily insult you, make fun of you or act inconsideratr when it comes to intetacting with you. Those people are like insecurity sniffers. Once they get you they will always find a way to make you feel terrible.

Also see Anxiety

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